The European Experience # 15

Who am I to say what is or what is not universal?

Here I am: I have travelled to a total of four different countries in my life.

Is that enough to make these grand statements?

All I know is that I won't stop searching...

Searching for answers to unknown questions is universal.

The European Experience # 14

I miss my friends. I miss the sun. I miss not feeling hungry. I miss Maurice.

Missing what is left behind is universal.

The European Experience # 13

'' You have everyone after you tonight'', he says to me before he gives me his phone number.

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I smile at him. He is beautiful. Shoulder length rock star hair. Pretty Blue Eyes. Broad shoulders hidden under his tee shirt. He smiles back.
Next time I see him he is making out with someone else.

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''Do you want to be a contestant of PORN IDOL?''

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'' I want to fuck you.''

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There are pornographic pictures in the free magazines here. Hot.

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Desire is universal.

The European Experience # 12

I cry everytime I go to the theatre.
Even if I don't know what they're saying...
Not because the story strikes a cord in my heart, but for the sheer act of theatre.
Oh! The Theatrical Experience!

My love for the theatre is universal.

The European Experience # 11

Dan is on a rant: '' That's the government for you...''

Politics is universal.

The European Experience # 10

'' You don't have to tear down monuments to make way for the future,'' Dan tells me.

The Future is universal.

The European Experience # 9

A Nation lives in the homes of a Nation. Not is hotels or hostels, or museums or monuments, or in cafes or clubs, but in the places where it's people live.

Home is universal.

The European Experience # 8

This place, like every place, is not what it once was.

There is a common cry for a better time.

The Past is universal.

The European Experience # 7

Their names are Dan and Dushan. They were not born here but have been here for over eight years. Dan is from Romania and Dushan is from Yugoslavia. Dan is a nurse and Dushan is a stylist. I went to their place last night to watch the football match (Arsenal lost to Barcelona). Dan showed me around town today.

Dan and Dushan are my friends.

Friendship is universal.

The European Experience #6

His name is Austin. He is not from here, but from Krakow Poland. He has one of the best (if not the best) body of a man I have ever been with.

Sex is universal.

Be it where I am, where I came from, or apparently, even in Poland.

P.S. I found the number sign.

The European Experience 5

The Opera singer sang in the public square.

Art is universal.

(even if it is an Italian aria).

Tonight I go to the theatre. I hope I can understand what they're saying.

(P.S. I can't find the number sign on this keyboard)

The European Experience #4

"It's not to make you happier, it's just to make you... more," she tells me.

Faith will get me through.

The European Experience #3

I am scared.

There is no reason for me to go.

Look at all I have right here.

I couldn't be happier?

Could I?

I guess thats the question...

The European Experience #2

I am going to disappear into the world and not owe it anything, but have the world owe me everything in return.

The European Experience #1

"Don't go to find yourself. BAH! Go to loose yourself," the woman said to me.

This is the only advice I will take with me to Europe.

Love Defined (By Not Being Defined At All)

"I do."

These are the (in)famous words that formally seal two people into the contract of marriage. Considering these words out of the question that gives them context (Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife?), I believe I've found what I would consider the true nature of love.

Consider the (lengthy and involved) definition of "do":
do¹ ( P ) Pronunciation Key (d)
v. did, (dd) done, (dn) do·ing, does (dz)
v. tr.

1. 1. To perform or execute: do one's assigned task; do a series of business deals.
   2. To fulfill the requirements of: did my duty at all times.
   3. To carry out; commit: a crime that had been done on purpose.
2. 1. To produce, especially by creative effort: do a play on Broadway.
   2. To play the part or role of in a creative production: did Elizabeth I in the film.
   3. To mimic: “doing the Southern voice, improvising it inventively as he goes along” (William H. Pritchard).
3. 1. To bring about; effect: Crying won't do any good now.
   2. To render; give: do equal justice to the opposing sides; do honor to one's family.
4. To put forth; exert: Do the best you can.
5. 1. To attend to in such a way as to take care of or put in order: did the bedrooms before the guests arrived.
   2. To prepare for further use especially by washing: did the dishes.
6. 1. To set or style (the hair).
   2. To apply cosmetics to: did her face.
7. To have as an occupation or profession: Have you decided what you will do after college?
8. To work out by studying: do a homework assignment.
9. Used as a substitute for an antecedent verb: He can play the piano, and I can do that, too.
10. Informal.
    1. To travel (a specified distance): do a mile in four minutes.
    2. To make a tour of; visit: “ [He] did 15 countries of Western Europe in only a few days” (R.W. Apple, Jr.).
11. 1. To be sufficient in meeting the needs of; serve: This room will do us very nicely.
    2. Informal. To serve (a prison term): did time in jail; did five years for tax fraud.
12. Slang. To cheat; swindle: do a relative out of an inheritance.
13. Slang. To take (drugs) illegally: “If you do drugs you are going to be in continual trouble” (Jimmy Breslin).
14. Slang. To kill; murder.
15. Vulgar Slang. To have sex with; bring to orgasm.

v. intr.

1. To behave or conduct oneself; act: Do as I say and you won't get into trouble.
2. 1. To get along; fare: students who do well at school.
   2. To carry on; manage: I could do without your interference.
   3. To make good use of something because of need: I could do with a hot bath.
3. 1. To serve a specified purpose: This coat will do for another season.
   2. To be proper or fitting: Such behavior just won't do.
4. To take place; happen: What's doing in London this time of year?
5. Used as a substitute for an antecedent verb: worked as hard as everyone else did.
6. Used after another verb for emphasis: Run quickly, do!

v. aux.

1. Used with the infinitive without to in questions, negative statements, and inverted phrases: Do you understand? I did not sleep well. Little did we know what was in store for us.
2. Used as a means of emphasis: I do want to be sure.

To "do" is the ultimate verb. To "do" is the ultimate word of action. It, in itself, implies action in the most varied and general form.

Combined with the self identifier "I", the phrase "I do" can be read as "The person who I am will perform/execute/fullfill the requirments of/committ/produce/play the part or role of/ bring about/render/ bring forth/ attend to/ prepare for/ to have sex with/ etc... in order to express my love for you, my spouse."

In these terms, marriage, as the sanctity that is a formal representation of the love between two people, is defined by action, not language. The words "I do" exist as an opened ended indicator of the potential and required action that is integral to the contract of marriage. The words "I do" imply a committment to action in order to express love.

If we consider marriage as the ultimate act that two people perform to express their love for each other, Love is not defined by merely telling someone "I love you", but is truly expressed through the words "I do", and these words only have meaning in the fact that they imply action. Following this argument, we can conclude that love is ultimately about action, and not about words.

For me personally, such an examination has led me to the following:

Love as a word is meaningless. Love as an action means so very very much.

Love can not be defined by other words. Love can only be defined by action.

All Things Go. All Things Go.

The Journalist. The Philosopher. The Lover. The Lawyer

The men of my life have gone. They are part of the past now.

An Era Has Ended.

I fell in love again. All Things Go. All Things Go.

Time to Move On.

The Lone Ranger

8 pm: Every Now and Then: The Helix Project Dance Retrospective
10 pm: Ms. Wilson's Birthday Party
12 am: Buddies in Bad Times Dance Party
1:30 am: Big Primpin'

Tonight I was the LONE RANGER. I traversed from event to event like the social butterfly I am all on my own. I had no one to keep track of. I had no one to coordinate with. I had no one I was attached to. The night was young and the night was mine and mine alone. FREEDOM!

I barely had an good time for the five hours I was out being my social self.

Yes there are benefits to being a LONE RANGER. But all those benefits really don't add up to much when you don't have someone around you can share the good times with.

This LONE RANGER is LONELY.
And my Freedom won't hold me as I fall asleep on Saturday night.

Looking Back Into A Blurry Mirror

Another school year ends, and for a student, the school year is the guiding temporal structure. So, with the school year ending, I look back on the past year to evaluate my time and experience.

There is one problem though...

As I consider my romantic/sex life over the past year, I can't seem to remember specific instances or even people. I have date many men and slept with even more this past year, more this year than I ever have before, but I can't seem to recall more than a quarter of my lover's names, faces, or even the experiences we share.

I am left wondering if these encounters had any meaning that impacted my life. If we as human beings remember the important and meaningful moments of our lives, does the fact that I seem to have forgotten most of the specifics of my romantic life over the past year mean that my collection of lovers and the experiences we shared do not have meaning?

I contend that our memories do record in the depths of our psyches the meaningful experiences of our lives. So therefore, I am forced to come to terms with my excessive romantic and sexual activity as ultimately unfulfilling, unsatisfying, and not meaningful events in my life.

So how do I proceed?

Less sex. Less dating. Less men.

I won't settle for a mere body just to help me get off.

I will settle for nothing less than butterflies.

I will trust my gut.

I will aim for love and settle for nothing less.

(Methinks this will be easier said than done...)

Will Has No Grace (But he's had my room mate)

"I think that Will, from Will and Grace, is very attractive"

"Oh yeah. Did I tell you that I kissed him and he munched [Mary's] box? He was staying at the Windsor Arms Hotel and I demanded that we get room service."

True Story

My room mates have fooled around with Eric McCormack. I always thought that they were the closest thing to gay men women could ever get. Sleeping with Television's favorite gay man, Will Truman, brings them even closer to be Female Fags.