Don't Cry In Public

Sadness is not permissible in public.

Writing about personal sadness and despair in a public forum undoes itself: If I truly feel as inadequate as I do, if I truly feel that I have no pride nor dignity left, if I truly feel as mediocre as I do, how can I expect anyone to read what I write and to care about it?

And so, in a final act of sadness and despair of such a degree that it has become saturated in selfish, over indulgent, self loathing, I concede that I can not expect you to care, nor even to continue reading these words.

The sadness I feel sits like a Sisyphean boulder that I couldn't care to push an inch more weighing down on my crushed and hollowed being. With no pride nor dignity and a numbing self loathing, I can not bring my self to express myself even in the social privacy of my most intimate relations with friends and family. The only thing I can think to do to ease the pressure of the incredible weight pulling me down and down is to cry out as the quasi-anonymous Bedroom Prince alone from the privacy of his bedroom into the vast virtual abyss of cyber space .