Looking Back Into A Blurry Mirror

Another school year ends, and for a student, the school year is the guiding temporal structure. So, with the school year ending, I look back on the past year to evaluate my time and experience.

There is one problem though...

As I consider my romantic/sex life over the past year, I can't seem to remember specific instances or even people. I have date many men and slept with even more this past year, more this year than I ever have before, but I can't seem to recall more than a quarter of my lover's names, faces, or even the experiences we share.

I am left wondering if these encounters had any meaning that impacted my life. If we as human beings remember the important and meaningful moments of our lives, does the fact that I seem to have forgotten most of the specifics of my romantic life over the past year mean that my collection of lovers and the experiences we shared do not have meaning?

I contend that our memories do record in the depths of our psyches the meaningful experiences of our lives. So therefore, I am forced to come to terms with my excessive romantic and sexual activity as ultimately unfulfilling, unsatisfying, and not meaningful events in my life.

So how do I proceed?

Less sex. Less dating. Less men.

I won't settle for a mere body just to help me get off.

I will settle for nothing less than butterflies.

I will trust my gut.

I will aim for love and settle for nothing less.

(Methinks this will be easier said than done...)