If you are reading this, I suspect you may wonder why I haven't written in the past two weeks. I wish I could supply you with some profound answer, but the only response I can give is to relate unto you the activity of my life for the past while.

A show I was working on went on Tour to Ottawa. We spent four days in our nation's capital. The show was very well received and I had a great time. It served as a Pre-Birthday treat for myself.

The weekend back from Ottawa, I celebrated my birthday. I shopped and spent time with friends and wrote an essay. Responsible, but selfish and enjoyable - the best a Birthday can be (?)

The following week I caught up on all the school work I missed from my week in Ottawa. I have been productive.

Yesterday I auditioned for two commercials. It really is a crap-shoot, so who know! God I hope I get it. I hope I get it ! Cross your fingers.

Now I am here. Caught up (for the most part). Enjoying the fruits of my Birthday celebrations (I still have three bottles of wine to drink). In anticipation (Cross your fingers - one of the commercials shoot in Budapest!)

My long distance relationship of sorts (we aren't really boyfriends, but we do have a "relationship") is taxing. He reveals things about myself to me which are not easy to deal with. Is this healthy? It is difficult to tell the difference between dealing with the inevitable things of life, though they maybe difficult, or dealing with problems we construct for ourselves. I would assume the former to be healthy and the latter to be something requiring a "cure".


Am I happy?
No

Am I unhappy?
No

Life goes on...

Happiness is... Lessons Learned from a Musical About Charlie Brown

"Look! I've found a pencil. That little red-headed girl that I like dropped it. It has teeth marks on it. She chews her pencil! She's human. I guess is hasn't been a bad day after all.
(singing) Happiness is finding a pencil"
-from "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" by Clark Gesner (1963)

Yes, Happiness can be derrived from things. From stuff. Physical inanimate objects can be the source of joy DAMN IT!. This is true for me.

I am happy.
Why?
Because I am now the proud father of a new iPod nano.
Because my sleek cell phone has polyphonic ring tones.
Because I purchased a new outfit from the sale rack at the GAP.

In our current culture, we are constantly bombarded with the ethics of finding happiness only through meaningful relationships or experiences.
I do not disagree with the importance being able to find happiness in those admirable ethereal things, but I think it is also human, and therefore beautiful, to be able to find happiness in those other things. The things we can buy.
Those shining new things.
Those new things that make us look cooler and more stylish.
Those things that are frivolous and luxurious.

Being happy is not a crime. You Will Not Make Me Feel Guilty!

Happiness is buying an iPod...
new funky ring tones...
a sale at the GAP...

Six Degrees of Separation OR the Magic of the Magic Oven

"I read somewhere that everybody on this planet is separated by only six other people. Six degrees of separation between us and everyone else on this planet. The President of the United States, a gondolier in Venice, just fill in the names. I find it extremely comforting that we're so close. I also find it like Chinese water torture, that we're so close because you have to find the right six people to make the right connection... I am bound, you are bound, to everyone on this planet by a trail of six people." -John Guare

I have found the right people. Or at least I think I have. They are at the Magic Oven. That is where I work for just above minimum wage three times a week.
I have the privilege to work with a 47 Year Old Romanian Gypsy, a Sri Lankan who looks like Ron Jeremy and wears an acid wash jean jacket all the time (we call him the Jean Machine), a Musical Theatre loving Phillipino who was educated as an Engineer in China, and a Persian hunk with gorgeous eyes who has a girlfriend in England. My bosses are a husband and wife couple from India and their families live in Paris, California, New Jersey, and Asia. Between my colleagues listed above, and the many others whom I have worked with over the past three years, I think there may be less than six, maybe even four degrees of separation between me and the rest of the world.
Even if that isn't so, I have had an amazing opportunity to see into these unique and varied human lives. All have experiences so far from what I could have imagined growing up in Regina, Saskatchewan.
Everyday is a revelation.
I think many a CEO, World Leader, Artist, and teacher could benefit from seeing the joy, diversity, and community that is the Magic of the Magic Oven.

Eye Opener: A Repsonse to My Wake Up Call

A friend of my sent me an email responding to my latest Blog posts.
It read:

Two things after reading your email:
Don't you mean you missed the Hindi holiday of DWALLI?

Also, if you've had such a pleasant few days I don't understand why you focus on the negative in your blog. Maybe you're focusing on the negative generally in your life. That's a problem.

First: The Hindi Holiday, which my Hindi boss informed me was the Hindi New Year, is called DWALLI

Second: Ultimately, self-awareness, which is what I feel I have articulated in my past Blog posts, is empowering. Being empowered is a positive thing. I would agree to see that focusing on the negative is problematic, but I would say that I am not focusing on the negative, but considering solutions.

PROGRESS!

The World Only Spins Forward.

It is only possible to focus on the negative if you give up.

I am empowered.

I feel good!

Wake Up Call Part II: Bad New Beginnings

I roll over, half asleep, expecting to see I have more time to sleep, this should be true because my alarm has not yet gone off. But instead, I am unpleasantly surprised. I am late. My alarm has failed me. This is a shitty way to start off the month of November.
I have a bizarre desire to start months, weeks, days off right - If it starts out bad, how am I supposed to hope that the rest of it will be any good? On this November 1st, the one the has somehow ruined the other 29 days of the month for me merely because I got up late and missed a class, I headed into work to not only realize that it was the first of the month, but for Hindi, it was the first of their New Year. Thank God I am not Hindi, but still, it would have been nice to start the New Year off, in whatever culture, as best as I can.
I have twenty days until my Birthday. I have failed to get the month of November off to a good start. I have failed to get the Hindi New Year off to a good start. But in twenty days, I will haven taken charge of my own life, so that I start off my twenty third year on this planet as best as is humanly possible.

Wake Up Call

I rolled over, opened my eyes to look at the digital clock next to my bed. My biological ticker usually was good at getting me to wake moments before my alarm was to go off. At the point that my body feels it has slept for too long and that I had other things to do, it usually steps in a takes over. My natural instincts are to wake up just before my alarm forces me to deal with the day. Most days my biological clock jumps the gun and wakes me a little early. Not today... Today all three of my alarm clocks failed, for reasons unknown to me.
This was an alarming alarm I couldn't ignore.
This exemplifies the lack of control or structure there is in my life. I am too eager to go on a whim and pass up the other responsibilities that I have taken on in my life. I am too social. I am too spontaneous. I need to step back, organize what needs to be done, set out the time I am to do it, write all that down the day planner I purchased months ago but haven't used since three days after I got it.
I can do well at school, I can do well at work, I can do well with my art, if I just bare down and put the effort in. I must be as committed to my life as I expect my life to be committed to me: If I want anything out of my time I have to put something into my time.
I will not deny that some of my experiences as a result of flighty spontaneaity have been incredible. But not it is time to take time for these other experiences that I have deemed valuable and worthwhile. If they are worth the while I should give them the while they deserve.
My alarms did not go off this morning, but I definately have heard the wake up call.