You Win Some, I Loose Some

I am a Loser.

I am Tired of Losing.

Nothing I put effort into seems to go my way.

Losing means not winning. It is not like my life is in anyway absolutely terrible or tragic. It merely means that I am never number one. It means that in our social world, no one chooses me first. But in our competitive world, being number two, (or three, or four,) is of little consequence. Being Anything but Number One Makes No One Great.

It is hard to negotiate self worth in a social and competitive world. I believe that I have so much to offer as an artist, as a human being, as a friend, as a lover, but all these things depend on a social context. I seem to consistently fail at being the number one in any of these situations. It is not enough to know that you have the capacity as a person and artist to be great, but you have to depend on others to see the same potential.

It never seems that the right people, or enough of the right people see and trust that potential in me.

I am a loser.

I am tired of losing.

But what else is there to do but put myself on the line again and again with the hopes of finally winning?