Choose Choice

I maintain that once you have the confidence to realize that you can get it when you want it, there are a hell of a lot of people who are willing to give it. If you reek of desperation when coming across an attractive mate at a club, at a bar, at a coffee shop, or on the subway, chances are slim that they will return you gaze and smile back. Of course, alcohol does facilitate initial contact, the touch of hands before they hold, that first "hello", or even the look and smile that gets the ball rolling, but alcohol is not necessary (or it shouldn't be - your confidence then is ultimately false). And you must realize that there is a pragmatism that influences picking up: there are always boyfriends or girl friends and the pressure of monogamy, or work to go to early the next morning, or playing the role of the designated driver, or friends (God Forbid!) that a far too loyal person is unwilling to ditch. If such travesties occurr in the process of picking up, take them at face value, and believe that if they weren't into you, they wouldn't have returned that look and smile or that "Hello" in the first place. It is true that desire is part of the human condition, everyone wants to get off and everyone can be the person to help someone out there to do that, but, at the same time, we live in a world of monogamy, careers, and other such institutions that require strict responsbility.

If you know what you want, then you go, and you find it and you get it.

The problem is how do you gain the confidence to not jump onto the first person who offers love and/or sex (which ever option it seems will do it for you). I maintain that if you acknowledge that you aren't into every person who is into you, how can you expect that hottie you are cruising to be always into you. Sometimes you just aren't the right type. You are someone's right type, just not necessarily the type of the person you wish wanted you back. So don't take it personally, because you probably break as many hearts as your heart gets broken. Once you believe that, you're golden.

So where does that leave me?

I have the confidence to know that I can get it when I want it, and lots of people have offered to give it, and some would really like to if they didn't have a boyfriend or work the next morning. For me personally, I have to learn to be satisfied with the look and the smile, and know that I am worthy of desire (I have enough proof anyway), instead of wasting my time with too many sexual episodes with guys I want only because it seems they want me back. I want to be wanted so bad, I love to love so bad, I desire desire so badly, I often am in situations that are ultimately unsatisfying. It is not that I sleep with ugly people, but there is a lot to be said for that intuitively chemistry that exists between two people who really hit it off - It that isn't there, it is a sure sign that I should move on and leave it at a look and a smile. Beggars can't be chooser, but now that I've stopped begging and everyone is will to give what they've got, I have to learn how to be more of a chooser.